Satorial Sursday: Cyndi Lauper Dresses Ridiculously and I Love It

Welcome to Satorial Sursday here on Another Flavor! Every Sursday we discuss the crazy clothing and general appearance of people in music videos.

I don't have a ton of time so I'll try to keep this brief. I was shocked to discover that I'd never written about Cyndi Lauper on Another Flavor, especially on a Sursday. I mean, just look at her!



Specifically, this look:

Her whole look is a combination of formal and hobo. She wears a formal prom-type dress and a formal hat. The way she has the hat jauntily tilted, though, really ruins any formality it might have had. The collar/shoulder covering thing on her dress just screams cheapness. Also, she wears chain belts on the outside of the dress. What are they holding up? Is she wearing invisible pants? I refuse to accept belts only for fashion. Finally we have her strange gloves and wrist things. Are those puffy wrist poofs attached to the gloves or separate? The overall effect is one of delightful whimsy and ramshackle charm.

Also, her hair color is fantastic. It is one of those colors that no real person has ever had. Why should we limit ourselves to colors found in nature for our hair? There is no reason.

There are some other fun outfits in this video.

I'm not really talking about the dad character, but he is wearing a real winner here. Lauper is wearing what I first assumed were pajamas. Now I'm not so sure. Is it just a really unflattering pants suits of some sort? Is it a work jumpsuit? No matter what it is, it is fun.

The final outfit we'll look at is this one:

Those glasses are so cool. They are those terrible 1950s glasses, but are also sunglasses. She is wearing a nice red dress with punk-rock type chains on her wrists. Again we have a bizarre contrast.

If I didn't really like Cyndi Lauper I might think that her look is a contrived hipster-ish thrift-store-based ironic joke. But she just seems to be having so much fun. And girls just wanna have fun. They just wanna. I'll assume women want to have fun, too. But maybe not just have fun.

-PTD

Sartorial Sursday: It's the Economy, Stupid!

I've been on a plane recently (check out Twosday's post for more info!) and that of course means being in airports. While in Midway airport in Chicago I noticed that there are stores that sell books and magazines approximately every 20 feet. There are a few different chains, but sometimes two identically branded stores will be a two minute walk from each other. Are people in airports unwilling to walk more than 10 feet to buy a copy of Men's Health? Do they then return to their seat at the gate, rest the magazine on their gut, and proceed to read it while gasping for air? I don't understand it.

The thing that confounds me is that I always assume that businesses are logical. I believe that if they are doing something it means it makes good economic sense. So it apparently makes good economic sense to make sure that every other store in an airport sells J.K. Rowling's non-Harry Potter novel and the three most recent Dean Koontz books that came out this month. I have no idea why this is. I just don't understand economics. Or is economics even the right word? Should it be merchandising? Or store-craft? Or scrimshaw-dawdling? I don't even know enough about it to know the right word!

Here's another example: The hotel at which my work is having a conference is located in Florida and looks like this:

Don't get too jealous, it was 40 degrees here when I took this picture.

So how does it make sense to fly people from all over the country to what looks like an outrageously expensive resort to have a day and a half of meetings that could easily be done using the internet? It can't really just be that management wants to take their families to Disney for free, can it? I refuse to accept that explanation even though it is obviously true. It must make good financial sense to spend a ton of money on plane tickets and hotels so we can spend time wildly applauding at the slightest provocation.

All of this ridiculousness got me thinking about economics and money in general. Have you noticed that some people have money and others don't? I have. Thanks to the extreme cold, Chicago probably has a few less of the people who don't have money, but I'm not talking about the truly poor. No one ever talks about them. I'm talking about the regular people versus the super rich. Everyone thinks they are a regular person, no matter how fantastically wealthy, and I am no exception. We always look at those who have a little bit more and wish we were like them. One thing that is immediately noticeable about those above us is clothing.

Anyone can wear nice clothing. But the thing that separates the truly rich (I guess more than rich I mean high class) is that they are very comfortable in the kind of clothing that leaves us regos constantly tugging at our collars. The ultimate high class outfit is the tuxedo, or, as the high class would say, black tie.

Let's look at a man dressed to the nines, Taco in Puttin' on the Ritz:



Please ignore the black face. Taco is from Germany and it's still cool to casually walk around like that there. If you have an issue, take it up with Deutschland.

Contrary to popular belief, Taco did not write this song. It was actually written by Taco's younger brother, Irving Berlin, who was a child of the eighties. The eighteen eighties! Ha! Heyo!

The song is about lovable German citizens in black face who dress really nicely despite their poverty. The appearance of class is more important to them than trying to actually achieve that status. So how does Taco dress for this video? Let's take a look:

Why are we looking at his appearance? Because it's Sartorial Sursday! Every Sursday Another Flavor looks at a person in a music video and discusses their clothing and general appearance.

So here we see Taco is a tuxedo. His coat has tails and his bow tie is white. He is also wearing white gloves. At first glance it might appear that he is dressed quite nicely, but he is really dressed more like a waiter than a rich person. He is too put together to be an upper class person. Also, the pancake face make-up doesn't really fit, not to mention the lightsaber. Jedis are more comfortable in robes.

So what is Taco saying? Is it that he just doesn't know how to dress? No, I think he is saying something mean spirited about those enthusiastic German citizens. I think he is saying that they are fools to spend their meager means on expensive clothing. I disagree. I just think Taco doesn't understand the economics of it in the same way I don't understand selling newspapers in an airport or going to Florida.

Dressing nice can frequently lead to a better lot in life. Have you ever heard the saying, "Don't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want?" Don't you just want to punch those people in the face? But that is exactly what the people Taco is singing about are doing. There is nothing wrong with it so there is no need to be snarky. I don't see what business someone named Taco has being snarky anyway.

I'll see you tomorrow with an exciting rendition of Free-for-all Friday!

-PTD

Sartorial Sursday: The Hairstyle of the Overcrowded Future - Word Up by Cameo

Welcome to Sartorial Sursday here on Another Flavor! Every Sursday we discuss the general appearance of a person in a music video. Today we'll be looking at a man with a style so unique, so radical, that you could plotz. And you should. Look at this:


Specifically, look at this man:

I think we can all agree this is awesome. He is wearing a tight, stretchy, black tank top. This is over tight, stretchy, blue pants. Since all of his clothes are tight and stretchy, the clothing was a little too racy. You probably wouldn't be able to pay attention to the song because you'd be staring at his crotch. He cleverly avoids that be wearing a bright red, shiny cod piece. Now we don't even notice his crotch!

Why is he sitting like that? Is he on a throne? Is that the most comfortable he can be given the skin tight clothing an inflexible cod piece? Is he not actually sitting but crouching weirdly with his arms out? It's basically the coolest way to sit, in my opinion.

I also love his mustache. It gives him a serious look, like he is always frowning.

Finally, his hair. There was a period where this hairstyle was called a cameo cut because of this man. It is now usually called a hi-top fade. It is a highly practical hairstyle for the modern world. In the past, if you wanted to have an outrageous hairstyle, you might go with something like this:

Now, though, this hairstyle simply takes up too much space. The world's population is always growing, yet the amount of land remains the same. In Japan, which is famously crowded, apartments are getting smaller and smaller to accommodate the number of people. The typical Japanese family needs to raise their arms over their heads in order to fit into their homes. There's just no room to build anywhere but up. This means that your hair, no matter how ridiculous, cannot extend past your shoulders. This is really limiting!

Hairstyles need to adjust. The singer of Cameo hinted at what is possible in this area. Some later achievements include this person from Desireless:

And the House Party series.

This is hair that really stands out, but still allows you to live in a three foot by three foot closet. Someday we'll all be living like that, sleeping standing up on top of our possessions. We'll be glad to still have good hairstyle options. Thank you, Cameo, for teaching us how to have ridiculous hair for the future.

-PTD

Sartorial Sursday: It's Tailoring Time - Losing You by Solange

It has been pointed out to me (remember, aspiring writers: passive voice makes you sound super smart [I mean: You are made to sound super smart by passive voice]) that my recently introduced feature, Sartorial Sursday, has not been effectively living up to its name. First off, Sursday isn't "technically" a day of the week. Secondly, satorial means "of or having to do with tailoring," (I'd like to cite my source, my 8th grade vocabulary book, but I have no idea what it was called. Let's go with Vocab Up Your Ass.) but I have not really discussed the cut of clothing or the quality of the stitching in my posts.

I'd like to address these criticisms head on. I believe it was Gandhi who said, "I'd love to convince you that I am right with words, but it is generally easier to hunger strike." Truer words have never (ever!) been spoken, but I get headaches when I am hungry so I'll try to explain myself using English words typed on a computer and transferred, through world-wide-web-related magic, to your computer screen to be read using your eye-grapes.

Point number 1: The existence of "Sursday" as a day of the week. Now, if you look at most of the calendars "the man" wants you to use, you will not find Sursday listed. I did not invent it, though. I stole it from the musician Peacey P whose album perpetually "drops next Sursdai." Once two people use an English word it instantly becomes legit and we can expect to see it in the next edition of the Oxford English dictionary which I believe will drop next Sursday.

Point number the second: Actually writing about tailoring. This is difficult for me because I don't know anything about tailoring. I know that Motel Kamzoil was a tailor and that the emperor isn't wearing clothes but that barely makes me expert enough to write an article for about.com. I will endeavor to do my best, though, by writing about a music video that is about tailoring.

Does such a thing exist, you ask? Sort of. Losing You by Solange:



Specifically take a look at this:

See! The video takes place at a tailoring shop. This post is decidedly on topic! Yes! I'm finally doing it!

Now, on to the history of the saxophone. The saxophone was invented in 1840 by Adolphe Phone. He also famously invented the other instruments in the phone family, the sousaphone and the xylophone. The saxophone, commonly associated with the homeless and filthy, was legitimized in 1992 when Bill Clinton became the first person to play saxophone while wearing a suit. Many people took note of it and started dressing better, frequently wearing tailored clothing. (More details can be found in the Norton Anthology of Saxophone Histories, volumes 1 - 4, and 6. DO NOT read volume 5.)

Eventually Solange discovered this and made a music video while wearing a suit and was joined by a bunch of dudes in suits.

Okay, I think we are back on track. Tailoring. I'm not super interested in the outfit shown here, although it is quite Christmas-y. (Yes, I am fighting the war on Holiday. Have a great Christmas this January 1, January 20, and July 4. It is offensive to call those days Holidays. They are Christmas.)

Whoops, almost got lost again. Tailoring! Look at this:

Try to ignore those two nattily dressed gentlemen. Look at Solange. First of all, long sleeves and shorts are usually a misteak. I mean, mistake. I don't even think you can call those shorts because they don't have any leg sections. I think it would be more appropriate to call them "parts coverers". Also, those are some high waisted parts coverers! I did some research and discovered that Solange is a mother so those must be the parts coverer equivalent of mom jeans. Crazy.

Next, look at this:

It is vital to match your outfit to the wallpaper, even if the wallpaper is made out of magazine covers. Solange is clashing here and that is a major faux pas.

Next week we'll see if I can include a little tailoring again on Sartorial Sursday. In the meantime, look forward to an exciting edition of Free-for-all Friday tomorrow.

-PTD

Sartorial Sursday: Dragula by Rob Zombie

Welcome to Sartorial Sursday here on on Another Flavor! Satorial Sursday is the day we discuss the appearance of a person in a music video.

Rob Zombie is one of the most visually attuned musical artists around. (Is he still around? I think I remember reading that he died in a freak bungee jumping/blood transfusion accident.) I read an interview with him once (before his untimely demise) where he said he would buy albums entirely based on their covers. Maybe you can judge an album by its cover. Shouldn't you be able to, though? The artist is involved in creating the album cover, so I think it should be representative of its contents. Same with books. The cover is a great way to judge! I think we all have a good idea what this book will be like:

Dragula was Rob Zombie's first hit as a solo artist. On his own, he had total control over the look of his video and how he appeared in it. Here's the video he made:


This video is awesome. Everything looks fake and ridiculous and I love it. The picture we will be looking at is this:

Rob Zombie has dreads, is wearing a huge amount of make-up, has a crazy beard, and is driving a ridiculous car (the Dragula).

I guess I just love talking about people with dreads. Once again I don't have much to say about them except that it was the '90s. I don't believe that Rob Zombie was from Jamaica, but I haven't done any research so he very well could be. Let's go ahead and say he managed to crawl his way out of Kingston and onto the charts.

Zombie's make-up is of the category called corpse paint. According to Atom and His Package on his song Me and My Black Metal Friends, corpse paint is a scary name for make-up. He also mentioned that in Norway "there's nothing to do but kill each other and play guitars in the snow." I think all of that applies to Rob Zombie. He is trying to look as scary as possible on what is, in essence, a dance song. When it comes to musical genres, image is almost everything. There isn't a real difference between Cradle of Filth and Yes except Cradle of Filth has a scary name and scary make-up. That is why Cradle of Filth is black metal and Yes are prog rock.

Now, the car. The name "Dragula" is awesome but it implies a drag racer. That is not really what we get here. This is a better view of the car:

It has a skull on the shift lever and its exhaust pipes coming directly out of the engine look like devil horns. These are both awesome. The car itself looks more like a hot rod than a drag racer. It reminds me of what's-his-face's car from American Graffiti:

I guess there is a drag race in that movie, but that is definitely a hot rod. Totally boss.

Rob Zombie's clothing in the video can be better seen in this shot:

For some reason he is dressed in an old-timey coat. Is he wearing breeches? I guess it is hard to tell. Some things we are just not meant to know.

-PTD

Satorial Surday - What's Up by 4 Non Blondes

Hello and welcome to Satorial Sursday here on Another Flavor! Every Sursday (that's the day Norse people with a reverse lisp named after Sor, god of sunder) we will take a look at an individual in a music video and spend a bit talking about their clothing. These posts will generally be pretty quick, but I think it's important to be able to write about extraordinary clothing in an otherwise unremarkable video.

Today we'll be looking at the singer from this video, What's Up by 4 Non Blondes:



First off, two notes about this song. I don't like the name of it. I understand that the hook, "What's going on?" and the title of the song, "What's up?" mean essentially the same thing, but I don't think it makes sense to name the song something similar to what is sung in the song. It makes more sense to just use lyrics from the song to name it. Take it from Kid Rock who named a song Bawitdaba, even though those are just nonsense syllables. He sings "Batwitdaba" in the song so that is what he named it. If you want to have a cool name that doesn't just use lyrics from the song it should be totally different like Counting Blue Cars by Dishwalla. I feel like this song title is in some sort of song titling uncanny valley and it makes me uncomfortable.

Second, the name of the band is also unpleasant to me. The name 4 Non Blondes implies that the members of the band aren't like them, but are intelligent and worth knowing. I don't like this kind of stereotyping. Also, I think the bass player of the band is blonde so it isn't even accurate. The bass player looks super-stereotypically lesbian, though, so does that cancel it out? Is it a rule that lesbians can't be blonde regardless of their hair color?

Okay, so here is the picture of the singer we'll be looking at:

The bass player I mentioned earlier appears on the right, but we're just worried about the singer right now.

Three things jump out at us, the dreadlocks, the goggles, and the hat.

The dreadlocks are just a nineties thing, I think. Didn't everyone have white person dreads back then? I think even black people were jumping on the white dreads bandwagon. It's just a thing. Nothing to worry about.

Now, the hat. The only other musician I can think of who wore a hat like that (I'm talking rock musician, I believe in the twenties literally everyone was always wearing a top hat) is Slash from Guns N' Roses. Based on that information one possibility is that, by aping a prominent cock-rock artist, the singer is trying to refer to and reject the heavy metal, male-dominated world view. The other possibility is that the singer, just like Slash, is going bald and is trying to hide it with fashion.

The most intriguing part of her whole get up are the goggles. The goggles show her affinity for steampunk, but she isn't really wearing them per se. They are on her hat. There's actually a different part of the video where she is wearing a different hat with a different set of goggles. It's crazy. So the goggles are very important. I can understand not wanting to cover up most of your face with goggles, but I'd like to think they aren't just for fashion. I think we have to conclude that either there are extremely sensitive eyes on her top hat or she has two sets of eyes, one set being hidden by these goggles. I think the second possibility is more likely since the goggles are necessary even with a different hat.

So what does this mean for us? Does it mean that the name 4 Non Blondes does not refer to the band members' hair color, but to the color of the singer's four eyes? Is the singer an alien disguised to live among us? Have I just made the most important discovery in the history of humans?

Probably.

-PTD