Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Twosday: Don't call me Shirley - Airplanes!

Aren't you bummed that the second Airplane! movie wasn't called Airplanes!? I've been thinking about airplanes because I am going on a flight today. As a people, we are scared of flying. I certainly am. Flying is an extremely dangerous way to travel. The only ways to travel more dangerous are by train, by motorcycle, by bike, by foot, and by car. But that's it. Oh, boats are more dangerous, too. Did you know that you are more likely to die in a plane crash than to be killed in a shirt factory fire? Chilling.

Car-related side note: In Chicago after a snow, it is traditional for people save their precious parking spot by blocking it off with lawn furniture. People who are new to Chicago get really excited about this tradition and decide to partake of it immediately. They don't understand the rules, though. In case you are one of these people let me lay it down for you and see if you can pick it up.
1. You must have shoveled the spot out. This is the most important! If all you did was block some of the falling snow with your car, you may not save your spot.
2. You only get to save it for a day. Maybe two, but probably not. Shoveling out a spot once does not reserve it for the whole winter.
3. People are allowed to steal your lawn furniture. Sorry, it's just a fact of life.
I hope these rules allow you to fully enjoy dangerously driving around on slippery roads at 10 miles an hour over the speed limit!

Okay, back on track. So, I know deep down that flying isn't dangerous especially compared to driving. I'm still frightened about it. This Burt Reynolds quote really explains it, "My movies were the kind they show in prisons and airplanes, because nobody can leave." When you are in an airplane, there is nowhere for you to go. You can be in Alfred Hitchcock's favorite situation: You know something bad is going to happen and there is nothing you can do about it. Now, I know I should be approximately 400 times more scared when I'm riding in a car, but I'm not. I imagine that I could just hup out the window at 70 miles an hour and roll to safety. This is why I always recommend practicing jumping out of speeding cars on the freeway. You won't regret it.

Anyways, this trapped feeling shows up in music videos. Did you know that Another Flavor is a blog about music videos? And that on Twosday we talk about two videos with something in common? Well, now you do. You're welcome.

Today we'll be looking at the video for Britney Spears's Toxic and Foo Fighters' Learn to Fly. Let's start with Toxic.

First off, isn't Toxic a great song? It really is.

Spears is addicted to her man. She needs him. But she's on a plane because she is a flight attendant from 1960s space:

So what can she do? She's gotta grab some random dude and drag him into the bathroom.

She has no choice. She's trapped. That's what happens when you get on an airplane.

Unlike Spears's harrowing story of unfulfilled sexual desire, Foo Fighters warn us of the dangers of drinking non-alcoholic beverages in their video for Learn to Fly.

I'm not sure how I feel about this video. I'm not a huge fan of men dressed as women in fat suits.

Disgusting. Fat people are not inherently funny! Neither is cross dressing!

This video does show the trapped feeling of being on a plane well, though. Almost everyone drinks drugged coffee.

This leaves the alcohol-only members of Foo Fighters to save the day. Normally, you'd be able to call for experts in a disaster situation, but when you are in a plane you only have the people you took off with. This is what is so terrifying. Just look at Lost! Imagine having to spend 6 seasons with whoever happened to be on a plane with you! Crazy.

If I don't die in a fiery wreck, I'll be back tomorrow with more music video goodness!


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