Here it is:
It's so much fun!
You have this guy, who sings:
I love everything about him except the hoop earring. I'm not a big earring fan in general, and it makes it look like he has something hanging off his face.
This man is sexy.
Everyone knows it. They all want to take his picture.
He likes to frolic about in a typically sexy fashion. Here someone rips the shirt right off his back.
The person determined that he is too sexy for that shirt. He is in physical pain as a result. It really hurts him! Thank god that guy came to the rescue.
You have to be really sexy to pull off this look:
Most people would look ridiculous leaning out of a convertible with an enormous hat. Not this dude. He is extremely confident and sexy, so he looks great!
Not everyone agrees, though. Some people think he's too sexy for that hat.
So he ties a string to the hat...
...and pulls the hat right off his head! WHAAAAAAAAAT?
The song features some excellent dancing.
It also has really good lyrics. "I'm too sexy for Milan. Too sexy for Milan, New York, and Japan."
This is what they show for Japan:
This is not how I envision Japan. I guess if you're extremely sexy the world just seems different.
So that's all the awesome stuff the video gets right. What does it get wrong? First, did you know that Right Said Friend is like a band with members and everything? I know right?
There's a bass player who is also sexy. Then there is a guitar player who does not fit in at all.
He looks like an aging member of The News.
He also might be the DJ?
See him there in the background? Who cares about these guys? There clearly isn't a lot going on here artistically. I don't expect every studio musician who plays on a Madonna song to appear in the video, so what are these guys doing here?
The other problem is the women!
If I want to see sexy women in bikinis there are three million, two-hundred-fifty-one thousand, nine-hundred-eighty videos for me to watch. I want to see this:
If you can't tell, that is an extreme close-up of the singer's pecs through a mesh shirt. H-O-T.
There's also this shot that is used about a hundred times in the video:
They should have concentrated on these shots and gotten rid of the women all together. They are a distraction. Are Right Said Fred worried that people will think they are gay? Who cares? Also, everyone thinks they are gay no matter how many women are around. There's no fooling us.
Just keep it fun, keep the muscular men scantily clad, and get rid of your fake musicianship. Good job guys...
...and have fun.