Friday, December 13, 2013

Free-for-all Friday: Top 5 Ham Sandwiches

"The ham sandwich theorem takes its name from the case when n = 3 and the three objects of any shape are a chunk of ham and two chunks of bread — notionally, a sandwich — which can then all be simultaneously bisected with a single cut (i.e., a plane)." - from Wikipedia

Wow! They (who?) say open with a quote and I sure picked a doozy today. I think I'm going to throw the clause, "notionally a sandwich," into some of my conversation and see just what kind of friends I make.

Today is the first edition of Free-for-all Friday where I let my inhibitions run wild and write about whatever catches my fancy. I've been thinking a lot about sandwiches lately. Ham sandwiches in particular. What is it about a ham sandwich that makes it the go-to 'wich? Muslims and Jews don't eat them, for one thing. That can't be the only reason, though.

There is also no real standard for what constitutes a ham sandwich. You have ones like this:

That seems like mostly just two pieces of bread that might have something between them. On the opposite end of the spectrum you have this:

That's really more of a pile of meat than a sandwich. Finally, there is this:

That is practically a work of art. But would you eat it?

Which brings us to this video:

The video seems to be for children based on the name.

However, the letters are talking about how they are so hungry. They can't eat. Is it because they are too poor? Is it because they are letters and letters, obviously, can't eat? Is it because the bounds of their mouths sometimes move past the edges of their bodies? This does make us wonder where anything put into they mouth would go. I think children would be terrified by this gang.

Anyways, they decide to sing about sandwiches and they've gotta do it...

OLD SCHOOL! No child would understand this.

One of the sandwiches they sing about is the BLT, which for some reason in this song contains cheese.

That's crazy, right? Does every sandwich need cheese? It isn't the BCLT!

The song does bring up the ham sandwich question. Naturally cheese is included.

Based on this song a ham sandwich is two pieces of bread with ham and possibly other ingredients (cheese, mustard, mayonnaise). That is our definition.

Armed with this, we can immediately reject the band Ham Sandwich (possibly Ham SandwicH?!?) who appears to be from some sort of foreign country where they speak English. Since this is ostensibly a music video blog you may watch a mildly interesting video for their song Ants:

It's fine. In it an ant makes dinner and then is foiled in his suicide attempt by a human woman.

Okay, now I think we are ready for our top 5 list, alluded to in the title of this post. I'm proud to present Another Flavor's Top 5 Ham Sandwiches. As is traditional, we will start from number 5 and work our way up to number 1.

Number 5:

I like that this ham sandwich is coming soon. It is important for sandwiches to arrive promptly when desired.

Number 4:

Is this ham sandwich grilled or something? That seems amazing. The cheese looks melted and a bit greasy, but in a good way.

Number 3:

I feel like there's something interesting and exciting happening here. Is everything shredded up and all mixed together in there? I don't know but I'd love to find out.

Number 2:

This ham sandwich is boldly frank. There is something about the thick slices of tomato and big folds of ham that is really exciting. This sandwich is not fancy, but it is lots of what you want and nothing you don't.

And now, the ham sandwich you've been waiting for, Another Flavor's Top Ham Sandwich. Number 1:

This one is really for connoisseurs. Is that a sesame bagel or just a hearty sesame roll? The round shape goes well with the pile-of-ham approach to the meat. It appears that there is no cheese to distract from the flavor of high quality ham. Excellent looking sandwich. WOOOOOOOOOO!

I'll be back on Monday. Have a wonderful weekend.


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