Thursday, October 10, 2013

My Daddy Was a Bankrobber - Breaking the Law by Judas Priest

What drives a man to crime? Some [who?] feel it is personal failings. Others [who?] say it is society. Judas Priest [them?] believe that criminals are thrill seekers with nothing to lose.

See it here, "Breaking the Law" by Judas Priest:

The story of this video is relatively simple, but has a few twists that keep it interesting. The basic premise is that the band robs a bank.

The guitar players are disguised as pilgrims.

The idea is the bank security will think, "It's just two pilgrims with guitar cases! That's totally normal!" and not be on their guard when the pilgrims reveal that they are bank robbers.

We get a glimpse inside the bank where the security guard is asleep on the job.

Why does he take such an important job so lightly? Stay tuned for the shocking reveal. If you are standing up, you should make plans to sit down sometime in the near future because your legs are guaranteed to buckle later on when the shocking reveal is revealed. For now you can continue standing.

We see the singer in a Cadillac, lamenting his fate.

"Feel as if nobody cares if I live or die." - These lyrics are brought to you by every 13 year old, everywhere, ever.

The pilgrims move into position:

The singer drives up to meet them outside the bank and they enter the bank together.

Shouldn't the singer also be dressed as a pilgrim? It seems like two pilgrims and a guy in a suit who is also wearing studded bracelets is even more suspicious than three men carrying semi-automatic submachine guns.

Now we come to the first reveal of the video which is only moderately shocking. You don't need to sit, but bend your knees slightly and widen your stance.

The guitar players magically change out of their pilgrim outfits into "regular" clothing! When did that happen? Even if the pilgrim outfits were breakaway clothing, I don't think they had time to rip that stuff off. I am moderately shocked. Extremely moderately shocked.

The sound of the guitar players removing/changing clothing at supersonic speed creates a shock wave that wakens the security guard.

He is evidently shocked by what he sees.

The other bank employees are also shocked. This one recoils in horror.

This one covers his ears in terror.

Is this video telling us that Judas Priest's music is intolerable and cannot be experienced for even a short period of time? That doesn't seem like a great message in an ad for your music. I think they're actually trying to say that the people at the bank are all squares just like your parents and can't understand the music of these groovy dudes.

This guy is definitely a square.

I have no idea why his glasses shattered, though. I think that would require relatively high-pitched music.

Having cowed the bank customers and employees, the band decides to torture them by singing directly at them.

The singer over-emotes.

If you've ever heard someone refer to Judas Priest's "operatic singing" this is what they are referring to.

Here we get a good shot of the dark-haired guitarist.

This isn't important to the plot of the video, but check out how old he looks! What is he doing in this band?

He is so old he makes Ron Wood

look like Ron Howard.

The band jumps through the teller windows to head for the vault while the bank employees watch, helpless.

The security guard is still watching what is happening on closed circuit television, but he does nothing. Why isn't the security guard trying to stop them? It doesn't look like the band is armed or dangerous.

He even seems to be smiling!

The band reaches the vault which instantly opens when they play their guitars at it.

The singer heads right for the bars (why would the vault have bars in addition to the enormous door?) and bends them apart.

Look at this guy, he is like the Green He-Hulk. It is laughable that we are supposed to believe those bars are real as they bend at the singer's slightest touch. This might have been a good time to spend a little money on special effects.

What is in this bank? You would assume it is money. Well, I think I have to insist that you sit down now, because shocks are about to be revealed. The bank is not filled with money.

It is filled with Judas Priest memorabilia!!!! I actually passed out for 12 hours after writing that last sentence because I was so shocked. I apologize to everyone who lost their jobs due to shock-related missed work days.

Judas Priest memorabilia is not particularly valuable. Also, why would customers come into this bank? To deposit or withdraw various Judas Priest merchandise? The only reasonable explanation is that the band owns this bank and employs people to pretend to run it. Every day the band breaks in, takes a piece of their own merchandising, and make their escape. The employees are hired based on how well they cower. This also explains why the security guard made no effort to stop them.

The band makes their escape. Then we see that the security guard is actually a huge fan of Judas Priest!

Here he is playing air guitar. He is using what is apparently the traditional fake guitar design of English metal heads. The design makes no sense, though, because I have never seen a real guitar like that. It is like an upside down flying V.

Flying V:

(Yes, it was impossible for me to find a picture of a non-topless man playing a flying V.)

This guy's fake guitar:

The guitar is partially obscured by his dark clothing so you might have to trust me here. It is bananas.

Meanwhile, the band sings and plays while driving away as they presumably do everyday after robbing that fake bank.

One detail I really like is the drummer:

He couldn't get his drum kit in the car so he is just hitting something in time with his hand.

These thieves are so resourceful.


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